Thursday, April 21, 2011

Our Loss

I need to start by saying how thankful I am for tender mercies, and for love and support through trials. The last couple days have been hard, I'm not going to lie, but The Lord has blessed me in the ways that have made it all bearable. Tuesday afternoon I started bleeding. At five AM I passed the baby. Soon after I began heavy bleeding and around 8am I passed out. Garrett took me to the hospital and stayed with me there all day while Racheal took care of the kids and things at home. I'm not a fan of hospitals. It was scary. After tests and ultra sounds it was determined that I would need a D&C. Again, I was scared. But it was what I needed, and after that my body began to heal. I'm still tired, week, and emotionally processing it all, but I'm feeling like I can move forward. Jake being in China, and only able to communicate once or twice a day has been hard on both of us, but I'm SO thankful Garrett and Racheal were here! They extended their stay a day to be with me until my mom could come (she got here late last night) and she'll stay with me till Jake gets back.

I'm thankful that Garrett and Jesus could give me a blessing Tuesday evening that gave me peace through this all.
I cannot say enough how thankful I am for Garrett and Racheal and ALL they've done for me over the last couple days.
I'm thankful for my mom who offered to be here before I even knew just how much I'd need her here.
I'm thankful for my husband who's prayers and love I can feel from halfway around the world.
I'm thankful for neighbors who brought the perfect dinner and flowers.
I'm thankful for my friend BriAnn who prepared and helped me through this in so many ways. Her honest and open sharing of her own losses and pains helped know I could most certainly make it through mine.

I am thankful to all of you for your prayers and support. I know you are offering them as you learn this news. In sharing our news with so many so early, we invited you into our joy, and now into the sorrow. I am very thankful for the power of our body and spirits to heal. It is a loss, but we will move forward. Please forgive me for not contacting and sharing this more individually and personally. It all happened very fast and I'm still healing and processing it all. But again, I thank you for your prayers and support- they will be felt and appreciated.

Monday, April 11, 2011

10 weeks

weight: +5

The nausea has all but gone the past 3-4 days! Last night I had some really rich chocolate cake and then felt sick after that, but it's been so nice not to have waves of it on and off during the days anymore! I was comparing notes on Naomi's blog and it looks like that's sooner, and the nausea was never as strong either.... I don't know... could you be a boy??? Even though my initial feeling was girl?

I went and had my first "official" appointment with the Better Birth midwives. I plan on delivering at their birthing center with the "midwife package". They have a student package, where you are seen and assisted by students, supervised by the midwives, through the whole process, and that package is about $1000 less. At first I thought, it would be nice- save some money, have another set of hands helping out. But I just felt better about the experienced midwives being the ones I'd be trusting right then and there, and it keeps it more intimate/personal since there's only four of them, and I don't even know how many students. I'll be honest, I'm a LITTLE nervous not delivering at a hospital with all their back up, but the BellaNatal Birth rooms are really nice (much cozier and comfortable than a hospital) they have oxygen and other emergency supplies, and Utah Valley Hospital - where they transfer to if they need to- is just a couple miles down the road. Besides, my delivery with Naomi went really smoothly, and it's important to trust myself and my body, right?

They tried to find your heartbeat today- but no luck. They were really great though and scheduled me another appointment in two weeks instead of four. Again, I compared to Naomi's blog and saw that even at my 12 week appointment they had a challenge finding it. So I'm not too concerned.

I love you. I'm praying for you.